Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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