yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
