That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
