I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
