At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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