I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
