oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
