I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
