No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
