Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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