You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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