remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We need to rekindle our bromance
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
