just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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