i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
