Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
