I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
