Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
