Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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