THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
