i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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