It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
