My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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