idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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