Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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