Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
