So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
