Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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