I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
