Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
