I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
