well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
