Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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