I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
