I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
