And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
