Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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