The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
