i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
