Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
