woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
