do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
