Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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