omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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