Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
