cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
