operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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