I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
