My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You ruined the universe
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
