It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
PANTIES FOUND
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
