Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize