You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
