Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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