Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
