The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
