I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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